By: Spatula Tzar

Spatula & Sickle

Behold: the greatest machine to ever exist. Solid state, indestructable, capable of untold feats, and so dark light cannot escape its surface. It is truly remarkable. I shall create a shrine to it, in model form.


A block of granite is prepared. It is covered in masking tape to preserve the finished surface, and placed on a table saw. Even with a diamond blade, cutting is slow. Isopropanol is used as a lubricant, a coolant, and to reduce airborne dust. Water likely works better, but will catalyze rusting of the table saw.


Size isn't important, but scale is. The monolith must be precisely 12 x 22 x 32. As this block is 1 cm thick, the dimensions worked out nicely.


Here we see a diorama of the investigation of the Tycho Magnetic Anomaly, and the discovery of the monolith.

It's full of stars...

Of course, it can only truly be appreciated at sunrise. Jupiter may be seen in the distance.

Unfortunately, this replica is not without flaws. Its proportions do not extend past three dimensions, it does not absorb the entire electromagnetic spectrum, it does not emit a strong magnetic field, and it cannot crush planets to the point of fusion. But it makes a lovely mantlepiece.

~~Spatula Tzar

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